Dawning Creations

Phase in; Phase out.. Brittny Woss

I keep telling myself this will all go away
it’s just a phase
but is it?
I keep finding myself in this same place
crying in candlelight
I’m just being honest.

I keep reminding myself that this will go away
it does but just for a little while
I keep my busy and so it can’t catch me’
eventually it does.
Is this a cry for help ?
I don’t know.

It’s been so long since I’ve been honest with myself
I can’t even tell you.
Something isn’t right when I’m crying every night.
Logically, there’s no reason for the madness.
So why all the long face?

Unhappy makes no sense..
Smiling blankly
Numb to the touch of the freezing winter air.
Blankly I stare as you talk to me.
Everyone thinks it’s something else
when my thoughts are solely my own.

I can’t keep doing this I realize.
I just don’t know what to do
what to say
who to even talk to?

I don’t want to be looked on as a freak
even though, the freak role I play so happily.
I don’t need a label..
crazy, nuts, insane, they’re all the same
but what people don’t see is all of the pain…

it shouldn’t have to be this hard
I pray all the time for things to start to make sense.
I don’t blame GOD.
He’s sending signs.
Just let it out
Bare all.

I just wish it wasn’t so hard
and that people didn’t have to be cruel.
I don’t care what those who don’t know me think.
It’s those that are close that make me think
that if I bare all, I’ll be once again a pariah
abandoned and castigated for my hurt.
I don’t place any blame.
This is no one’s fault.
It’s not even my own.
The only blame I have is all the hidden shame
and regret that I just won’t let die.

I need a fucking arsonist to help me burn these books
these little crooks that are keeping me held down.
I don’t want this breakdown but since it’s here
I should welcome it kindly and let it pass.

You ask, “ what harm will it cause opening up?”
But you don’t see the world through my eyes.
When I’m not being harrassed with emotion,
the world is the most captivating place and there’s nothing wrong
when you look in my face.

The harm that will come will come from everyone
when they know what’s going on.
I don’t want to be put on.
Can you really handle me?
Can you handle the truth?

Do I think I’m insane? no.
I think I need to find the reason for this pain and regret
I hold onto subconciosly.
I’m sorry I can’t be more outspoken with it.
I just don’t want anymore of the worried looks
or uninvited advice.
I want answers!
Hard, cold facts that could bring in a new catharsis and a relief from these feelings..

The harm that will come will come from everyone
when they know what’s going on.
I don’t want to be put on.
Can you really handle me?
Can you handle the truth?

Aren’t we all just looking towards the heavens above to find the answers? Sometimes I wonder if the answers are really good to be found once discovered. Maybe, just maybe, some things are better left an enigma.