Dawning Creations

Symbols ( Remember to Never Forget) ~Dedicated to Xander (March 7 2012)

Symbols provoke emotion.
Symbols can bring laughter, tears, or anger.

On this day of emotionally charged closeness of hearts and challenge,
will you hold my hand when the tears fall like boulders ?

On other days when you can’t possibly fathom my lamenting,
will you read what I write after you know you’ve had me?
Will my life mean something other than to please your needs?
If I was gone again, would it change your way of life ?

Can I trust in you as I once did to remain as you did before it all?

Precious time must not be spent on lies.

Precious time in honor of someone who blew me away with his little heart, so strong and shining brighter than imploding supernovas in space.

Xander showed me I shouldn’t waste a minute on negative energy, as he never did.

Wonderful beauty can only surround me, in honor of your sweet memory.

When I contemplate my options and how you see me, my head starts to spin.

So much time has passed and I’m losing battles and people left and right.

These battles are ones with guns and bombs.

These battles are lost by death.

Death of a body and revival of a soul.

Beautifully preserved souls go to GOD, leaving us behind to remember what

we had neglected or forgotten to keep in mind.

Important things, such as a small phone call or letter, an email or text.

We forgot to do these little things and time was gone and we were older and different.

Time passes cruelly, laughing at the wasted hours gone by.

We neglected many hours that could’ve been spent in better ways.
In this moment, when I remember what I’ve lost,
I remember the years I’ve spent, ignorant of the cries of those around me.

While I was meandering about the world, spinning aimlessly in circles, frivolous obstacles I created in my mind kept me from seeing what I needed to do.
I wasn’t there and I didn’t try to be.
I was wrapped up in trying to survive.
I was wrapped up in fixing my suspected broken mind and body.
You have fought obstinate struggles and I forgot in just that instant.
Your kicks and screams, made mockery of those with much more
agony and pleaded for the end.
You were more brave than any other soldier.
You fought harder and stronger than any super hero.
I was blind and never saw it coming.
Maybe I just didn’t want to believe it.
Or maybe I didn’t think it would happen.
Then , it did.
On a sunny, glorious afternoon your body perished, soul being sent someplace better.
The rest of us remained, letting balloons rise to the clouds with letters attached.
The descriptions had messages we hoped you’d receive.

They were words that we wished we wouldn’t have “forgotten”to say to you when you were here.

On days like today, I regret this.

But I also am thankful that I am able to learn from you, someone so much younger than I.

In your weakness, you displayed willpower and tranquility during your storm.
It’s over now.

You’re where you need to be and free of pain.
And we vowed to never forget again the little boy who never could marry, go to high school, or become what you could’ve had you survived.
We vowed and we still vow to honor you.

And in every prayer and passing thought, we do.
Symbols hold more than meaning.
They hold compassion and truth .
They bring people together.
They also remind us of what we failed to be thankful for and what we remember for a lifetime.

Symbols can be pictures, letters, hand signals and more.

However, symbols can stand for more than what they’re originally intended for.

Symbols, combined with emotionally charged events and days can change someone’s whole perspective on one simple idea, task, memory, person and so on.

Today, the symbol of Hope laid out in candle lit bags meant honoring and remembering you.

The symbol also stood for holding on to great memories of when you were well and knowing you’re that way now with GOD.

Xander, on this day, H>O>P>E> to me meant living to help others in your honor and never to take advantage of a happy moment.

In the blink of an eye, we can lose it all.

Unintentionally Hurt You (It Was Meant to be Kindred)~BrittnyLee

I know you felt betrayed by me.

But I only wanted you to know how much I cared for you,

longing to see that smile in your haunting blue eyes.

Behind broken glasses with scars and laughter you praised the lord.

You left and were angry that you were sent off, feeling cast away

out of hardness of heart from us.

Never never never would I let you go.

Never would I abandon you, even if it may have seemed so.

Silly you should’ve never assumed to know why.

You should’ve never assumed to know my intentions for you.

I care for you; you’re kin to me.

You’ve been left before and your heart aches..

My offers of you staying with me and buying you little things,

sharing my precious space and taking you on trips were not enough’

to satisfy your need for more love for more companionship, though I tried.

I wanted to keep you alive and that smile in your eyes.

I realize it couldn’t remain and I’m sorry that you’re hurt by my actions.

I thought these little things would mean the world to someone so hurt.

I thought these little things would make you smile when you remembered them and me.

But I am a monster in your eyes and it hurts.

I loved you once and still do.

Perhaps someday your blindfold will be lifted.

As GOD as my witness, I’ll never forget your face and your embraces on those sad nights.

I’ll never forget you telling me, “Brittny, you’re going to go far.”

I’ll never forget or take advantage of those memories.

All of the times you made videos in my kitchen and made dinner out of nothing.

You were this fascinating creature that illuminated my darkened alleys, reminding me of Christ’s love.

We saw the world in a similar and beautifully chaotic fashion.

Kindred Spirits can change the world.

My friendship and embraces will always be yours.

My words and advise, my money, my love and admiration, my hopes and prayers for your safety and well being will be forever sent to you from miles away.

Since you left my life, I had never ceased to think of you.

To my good friend, know this much is true.

I’m sorry if I somehow failed you.

I believe that our honesty is the light shining through and becoming the building blocks for something more sturdy and dependable

New Friendship-Old Friend ~BrittnyLee

Comfort so rare I find in strangers, you gave me in your taking of my hand.

So quick to trust, some might call you naive.
I choose the words amiable and genuine.
You’re amiable in that you give everyone a chance.
You’re genuine, in that you hold your ground even in the face of castigation.
Personality and cleverness beyond what I have seen in many years, you hold in your fragile mind.
You act like you’re broken.
But I find you to be just fine.
There is no need for excuses.
Your open heart and intelligence shows me that you’re more than safe.
I can place my trust in you.
I can count on you to care, regardless of my ignorance for my well being.
Countless times I have let this pass
And have allowed myself to forget what’s here.
There’s harmony in our chaos.
We’re in sync.
There’s beauty in our flaws when they’re meshed together.
With me, my oath is that you have nothing to fear.
I hold you dear.
Our commitment to companionship can extend as far as you’ll let it.
I hope I’m not misunderstood.
I want to keep you forever.
As if I had a choice in the matter.