Dawning Creations

I can’t believe I’ve forgotten this.

It’s been so long since I’ve fallen into this hole.

It’s been so good that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a kid.
I’ve forgotten who I used to be.
I’ve pushed her aside for so long, running away from who I was and am.
I am still that hungry little kid with an appetite for adventure.
I’m still that dorky and eccentric grader that
No one wanted to play with at recess.
I’m the person everyone calls crazy.
I’m the one who had dealt with a numerous amount of scrutiny my entire life.
I believe my life’s lessons was to learn to deal with it.
I have a feeling that I will do something great once I can overcome all of my obstacles.
The words have been coming in and out of mind lately.
As time passes, you finally dare real introspection, you become a little frightened.
That lonely feeling of solitude appears again to take my hand.
I don’t want to be led into self fed depression or wanton jealously again.
I want to take this road to discover what I can change about that little child who wanted everything and nothing simultaneously.
She didn’t know what she deserved or if she deserved anything at all.
She was lost and now is found.
She has a long way to go and the roads are sharp chevrons the whole trip.
I want to hold that little child and comfort her and love her as I’ve never done in the past.
I enjoyed running.
I loved living as a different person.
But at the end of the day, it all came back to her.
It’s at this time,
I see there wasn’t anything wrong with her, accept maybe the way she saw herself.
There something wrong with my self-image.
There still is but I’m learning to love me.
Then again, who has an accurate vision of self as child with or without trauma.
There’s a reason for all of this scrutiny, self-inflicted and not.
Perhaps one day, I’ll know the answer and can make it better for others.
I now see the world in a much more positive light but there still is anger.
Anger is fluid and not directed at anyone or anything, only situations.
When too much crowds my mind, I can’t think straight.
Having to worry about keeping someone going times 3 is hard enough.
On top of it all, you’ve got to fight for you too.
It’s a constant battle when you’re indebted to responsibility by birth.
You didn’t ask for this.
You didn’t ask for the burdens of this.
But who else would do it?
There was never anyone else but you there on those suicidal nights.
You’ve saved a life.
But who was there for you?
I was and am, now.
God was there but you were too young to realize it.
Your imagination set you free.
So let it ignite and set your anger to fire.
You have what you didn’t have before.
You have friends and you a piece of mind with positive energy and God.
You’ll get through these times and this time, not alone.
As for the rest, all you can do is be there for them.
You can’t do anymore.
You’re only one person.
I fight hard and I’ll keep striving towards a better future where strictly happiness is my dwelling.
No more sadness, stress, and illness in my wake.
I’ll be free to awake and enjoy my mornings without worry of what will come.
There will be no need for anger because I will no longer see what
Makes me see red.
I want to be at that amazing place in my life.
I know it will take long.
I wish it didn’t have to sometimes, most times.
But I don’t have much of a choice.
My lesson is learn patience.
Someday I’ll have both patience and freedom.

This is a little explanation about this poem. I don’t always have these but for this one I think it would be best to explain it so people can maybe see my struggles and see that I’m fighting and surviving. It helps to know others are going through similar experiences. It brings people to unity and a higher form of being. People need to know they’re not alone. 🙂

This picture is a quote from Madonna during one of her tours, in which she actually documented and called it, “I’m Going to Tell You a Secret.” It was very insightful. So, I ended up quoting her in a section in this little explanation.

This book that I am reading called addiction approval by Joyce Meyer is really insightful. There’s a lot of information that is pretty obvious but easily forgotten in the rush of the day.

These are pictures of sections in the book that have helped me:

And Joyce Meyer again 🙂 : 

These little things that we may forget, such as letting ourselves enjoy life, asking for help, and learning to say no can effect is in very negative ways. This poem was inspired from a situation I was stuck in as a child and sometimes as an adult I forget that even though I still have those qualities that I did as a child, I have a lot more knowledge and other ways to better develop those qualities. Will I make mistakes and fall back on old patterns ? Heck yeah !! But that’s why I write so much to let it out, blow off steam, learn from past mistakes and share my thoughts with the world. If someone is reached and helped through my poetry, inspired or just gets enjoyment, I’m happy. 🙂 Also, poetry is a great way to express myself because I write how I like. It’s very freelance and stress free. Many of the time when we talk with people, there’s interference. But when we write, we don’t have to worry about being interrupted. God has given us all special gifts. I say God because I follow the Christian beliefs but I’m not one to press my beliefs on others. I do feel that in order to live well for me, I need the guidance of someone wiser and wanting only the best for me. To me, that’s God and that’s okay of it’s not for you. For you, it might be Buddha, a moon goddess, Diana or just believing in energy and cosmic forces. That’s okay with me! I refer to God a lot in my poetry and writings because he helps me through a lot and I love and appreciate his divine interventions and guidance. I’m not going to lie. Sometimes, I get very frustrated with things in my life and lose touch with the light. But that’s part of the struggle to keep your mind in the right perspective. Just because life is one way at current, doesn’t mean it will always be that way. Life isn’t a concrete stone set to remain. Life is motion. Life is change and growth. Sometimes, in the environment I’m living in, it’s hard to the light because things get tough and I mean really tough. I can’t go too much into detail because it’s very personal family stuff. A lot of my poetry is inspired by family , friends and strangers, nature, energy, love, god, pain and well everything. There’s beauty in my chaos. As Iamx states, ” my trials are my friends. I can only win in the end. My trials are my friends.” -Ok, as a little aside. I am totally freaking out! The song Trials by Iamx came on my ipod just after I put the period on the quote from that song… I love irony and randomness of life. its not random, though really. -Anyway, most of the time things are fine and honestly, a lot of the times things are rough on me because I want to fix everything that’s wrong with the ones I love and myself. However, as I’m reading this book, I’m realizing that it’s alright if I can’t help. I’ve tried numerous times but people can only change if they truly want to. One of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking that they can make others happy. You can’t make anyone happy if they are truly unhappy with themselves. Sometimes, it’s best to just take a step back and let god or the cosmos forces take care of things. All you can do is be there when they need you and step back when things get too out of hand. You’re only one person and you mustn’t let your needs go unmet. Think about it. If you’re truly unhappy doing something for someone else, then you’re not doing it for the right reasons. Chances are you’re doing it to save face or you’re doing it out of guilt or false beliefs of obligation. Yes, you’re supposed to help others and be a great citizen. But you can’t help everyone. I’m learning this little by little and learning to accept my flaws and weaknesses. If I don’t accept them, I can’t grow. Denying and running away from who you are isn’t a positive thing. The truth eventually comes out and it will crush you when you realize you’re not who you pretended to be. You’re not a bad person. You’re good just the way you are. Sure, there’s always room for improvement. But that improvement comes through knowledge. Madonna stated that when we stop learning, we stop growing and we die. I believe she’s right. And I believe Joyce Meyer is right as well in what she’s stating in her book. I am endeavoring to stay positive. I know I can make it all in good time. I need just to keep the faith ! We can move mountains !