Dawning Creations

Outside of my head at this instant

the trees are dancing in the flickering of car lights as we go whizzing past

it’s so easy to forget in an instant everything

regret..

not so easy

these burning memories and images soar through my mind when I awaken

anger, bitter, heartache

broken and still smiling face

it doesn’t mean much this smile

you taught me so many things

I could change a thousand times over and never deserve your praise

you gave it any way.

You trusted every single decision and act I commited

you had faith in me

your faith so strong made me start to believe there could be something to me

you left so suddenly

I was supposed to see you that sunday

then, I got the call.

I collapsed.

You. Were. Gone.

One month later and I’m dreaming of you each night.

You’re so lovely in the dreams that it’s hard to believe that you’re not just a mile away.

You’re on a whole separate plain.

You’re in fields of green and rolling pastures.

You’re where someone as good as you deserves to be.

Your passing is not in vein, although lately I’m sure I haven’t made you too proud.

I’m just so angry and confused and terrified…

I’m more terrified than I’ve ever been.

I can’t see clearly anymore and I’m losing myself and trying…

I will start fighting harder to get myself to a good state and to be happy.

It’s what you want and I have to be strong.

Sure, it’s ok to break down at times.

But it’s not the end of the world when the lion lets down her pride.

I miss you.

I miss it all.

I miss those warm, fuzzy memories that seem like yesterday.

But you are in a better place.

I have to remember what you told me.

I can’t forget your love.

I can’t let you down and give up on myself.

This crippling pain will ease with time.

You will still be here, visiting me in my dreams and thoughts.

You’re incredible.

My thoughts are a jumbled mess but they’ll soon clear with your help.

In your good place in Heaven you’ll protect and guide all of us you’ve left behind.

Smile.

I can feel your smile in the sunlight.

You were a living poem.

I got to know you later in life but I’m grateful for it and for you.

The anger will pass as will the hurt.

I will see you again I’m sure.

I haven’t stopped seeing you.

I won’t push you away.

Accepting you’re happy and at peace is helpful but not easy.

Forgive me for taking so long.

I’m trying and I’ll try harder in your memory.

Slowly and surely my smile is beginning to remember it’s truth and it’s power

When I envision you happy I know I can smile

when I am outside of my head and in the moment I can feel you beside me, cheering me on

You taught me many lessons.

I am grateful for you.

I am grateful for your love and compassion.

I wanted to give you so much more but life always got in the way

You understood and comforted me as I was frustrated and crying for not being able to stay

Most importantly, you trusted that my intentions were true and it was beautiful.

You are someone that can never be replaced.

You are an angel.

You are the best grandfather.

I love and miss you.

Never stop visiting me in my dreams and reminding me of your happiness, please.

We all love you.