Dawning Creations

I remember when you left for the first time.

I was ten years old.

I had to call the ambulance and watch you unconscious and vulnerable.

For the first time, I saw you, completely helpless.

I ran up to my room and hugged my oversized ragdoll.

I cried into the flowery bonnet, hugging the doll tight,

and praying you would return to me.

The second time you chose to go.

You were sick and away you went again.

Over the next four years, the cycle repeated itself.

I never left your side or blamed you; at least, I didn’t realize I did.

When I was younger, you were my hero.

You never could let me down, even when you did over and over again.

However, this is now.

This is the future.

You have changed and so have I.

The past two years I saw just how traumatized you were.

The monstrosities you couldn’t bear to look in the eye were eating you alive.

Then, like your footing slipping from underneath you, your hero, and your protector went away.

With him gone, all your demons charged towards your one woman army all at once and

thrashed your armor and devoured your heart.

You were that little girl who felt like the china doll left on the shelf.

You were that pretty little girl, who never complained,

only kept the peace by abiding family ethics and keeping quiet.

Behind the scenes, you felt ugly.

You blamed yourself for your hideous family secret

and for being the victim.

Even after the guilty was exposed,

and you received the vindication you deserved,

it wasn’t enough.

You had to dig deep and be honest with yourself.

That little girl needed love, not from anyone but you.

Suddenly, we weren’t so different.

I remember when I was that little girl on the shelf,

setting my feelings aside so you could get better.

I felt alone and ugly because I couldn’t fix things.

I especially couldn’t fix you, the person I loved most.

When grandpa passed on, it was easy to see you felt demolished.

But even though, I had my anger towards you,

I swallowed it like a bitter candy when you cried in my arms.

We have gone far

and are growing close again.

I accept that you cannot be who you once were

because you have to leave her behind in order to find yourself.

I just hope that you don’t forget the progress you have made

and how loved you truly are.

All of this taught me valuable lessons.

This taught me to be thankful for my wellbeing

and the people who never left my side,

no matter the cost to them.

These trials with us also taught me that you

never stopped loving me, even when I almost gave up on you.

And now I see you’re truly trying and slowly succeeding.

As each day passes, and you become more and more alive again,

I am reminded of the fun we used to have together.

I am reminded of the inside jokes only we could have

because no one else understands our humor.

I am reminded of the acceptance and unconditional love

a mother can have for her child.

Most importantly, I am reminded that the bond we had was real.

We really were a close-knit family unit.

However, as close as you and I were before

doesn’t compete with how close this whole

family of four is now.

I have to believe that all we went through was meant to happen.

There were serious problems with your state of mind but also ours too.

If you hadn’t been brave enough to address yours,

how could we have accepted our own quirks?

and try to better ourselves?

Overall, I want to thank you.

I want to thank you for becoming a hero in my eyes once again.