Dawning Creations

A kind gesture helps even when a person may not be able to show it. It’s impossibly hard to put it all out there, to put into words the confusion and screaming happening inside your head. All we want is redemption and grace. These little gestures give hope which can lead to grace once we’re capable of accepting. Working and tumbling down repeatedly makes it hard to see anything but the floor you’re face is pressed against. I’m trying every day to beat this. I just have to give pushing and not give up. I know there are others with me and I have support.

Explanation for Post:

Lately I’ve just hit a brick wall and it’s honestly terrifying. I’ve never been this low for this long, especially after coming so far. One of my uncles I’m closest to has stage 4 cancer ( I’m proud to be involved with relay for life – now more than ever ) and my job is extremely stressful and it’s not anyone’s fault. I just think I’ve come to realize after trying to stick it out – dealing with the anxiety that comes with it and the extra work that takes too much time on top of what’s happening with my uncle has reached its limit. Also, having adhd and anxiety, add to my trouble in this fast paced job. I finally reached the point in my life that I realize I have to apply elsewhere for more stability financially and mentally. My job is a great one but can be what is considered a burn out job. I know objectively it is “ok” to fall out of love with a career and need to move on and start over. However, knowing that doesn’t make any of this easier. I really care for the clients I work with and for my company. I just am hopeful it will all work out . I am taking my time with the transition by applying and going to interviews and will do a proper two weeks notice as there are no bad feelings or ties. It’s just me. I’ve changed and come to the realization that the kind of stress I’m under isn’t healthy and in order to relieve my stress I have to move on . Also the stress from my uncle being so sick isn’t helping either. I really want you all to know that I appreciate you all taking the time to read my stuff, even though I feel some of it has been meh lately because I’ve been such a damn mess. I’m trying to sort this out and stay positive but it’s tough . At least having a plan of action is helping and all of the support. I hope that this message can help someone who might be going through something like this or something different but having the same emotions and panic attacks and don’t know where to turn. This wasn’t easy to post but reading many blogs on here that have helped me tremendously encouraged me to be vulnerable too, knowing -hey – I could possibly help someone today.

Everyone reading this please support the people in your lives. Take the time to be there. I’m being shown true compassion by you, my readers and my friends and family and it really does shed light during this rough patch. My uncle has stage 4 lung cancer and I’m soon to be transitioning careers. I’m experiencing intense anxiety and panic attacks out the ying yang while trying to show up to work everyday and help the children I work with. I feel like I’m letting people down left and right even though objectively I know I’m not . It’s just an intense melting pot of emotions but the support is helping me make decisions and know I have support. Life is rough guys . Please be here for one another. I don’t usually get this personal on here so I’m sorry guys if this is annoying. I just want to help others atm who might be going through something. You’re not alone. We’ll get through this. Don’t give up. Thank you to my readers and other bloggers for inspiring me and many others and my fiancé, family and friends.

Update: I’ve decided to give my current job another try. Things are calming down outside of stuff with my uncle and I am still passionate about helping these kids. I prayed and prayed about this situation and that my prayers were answered. This is where I am needed and where I belong. I just need to pace myself more and take more breaks. I was trying to do everything myself and not ask for help, which anyone who works with people knows is a no, no. Another problem I have is my brain likes to think it’s ten steps ahead and I over plan and triple check things. I know it sounds like ocd. I think it’s due to the fact that I’m aware I have adhd and am fearful I’ll forget something so I’m working on being mindful. Being mindful is being in the moment, not thinking ahead. Being mindful is helping me with my anxiety tremendously because I can participate more and manage more being fully present. When I jump ahead, I become anxious and start grasping for straws to control and waste a ton of time trying to do so. Thus, that results in me getting less done and becoming further behind.

This situation has really opened my eyes to my problems with letting fear and anxiety rule me. Sometimes you have to just work at your pace and literally take it minute by minute to be successful or in my case ( not panicking).

Ps. If anyone would like to share their experience in the past or present with anxiety or any struggle in the comments feel free to . I would love to hear anything that you guys do to help calm down or make tough decisions. God bless and I hope everyone is doing well . Keep inspiring guys .