Dawning Creations

Honestly led me here.
My honesty with my loss of control
The world was a terrifyingly unsafe.
Fear ripped through me,
like scissors through paper.
Would they hurt me,
would I lose my sense of reality, even more.
Arriving they were kind,
leading me through the corridor.
The walls are slammed with bits of nature.
The hallways are too small.
I felt claustrophobic at times.

Nurses dipped in and out of rooms,
checking on us,
making sure we were alive.
Though, surprisingly, they were kind,
offering water and board games to play.

Nothing there could maim us.
Toilet paper wa stuck in a hole in the wall.
There were no razors,
only when they’re were watching.
Pencils were strictly forbidden,
as were markers, unless we behaved.

Everything was ending with a 20.
Breakfast was at 730,
first group at 920
Lunch was 1120
And dinner was 430.
Our only free times were between groups
And after our last groups.
Hygeine was also available before or after breakfast,
lunch and dinner.

After a while,
I became used to it
Life felt stuck in time,
scheduled and out of my control.

I succumbed to it,
pacing the halls
and writing with the tiny pens
we had to ask the nurses for.

I understood the reason why.
Some people were very sick
and could harm you or themselves.

With more time passing,
I hadn’t known the time
I was missing on the outside.
part of me knew
just what would come back.

Slammed into reality,
the freedom that awaited me.
I’ll never forget that day.
Matt waiting, his arms ready to embrace me.

It didn’t feel real,
like I was just dreaming.
But, I wasn’t.

I was afraid to stay
but even more scared of what awaited me.
This was it,
what I’ve been hoping for,
being approved to be free.
As Matt held me close,
I saw the sky,
really saw the sky,
for the first time in weeks.

I didn’t know what was best,
to be in or out.
I’m on the outside, now.
I’m on the outside,
hoping I won’t have to go back in.