Dawning Creations

You’ve made me.

Now I am breaking me so I can start all over again.
I know why it is that I cry and cry and never understand.
Too many times I’ve watched your car pull out of its secure space to the great unknown.
You’re gone 6 days out of the week and I never know what you’re feeling or what’s going on in your head.
I’ve avoided others like you only to find you in everyone I met.
I love your good points.
But just when I found them again.
You push them away with ten more bad actions or let downs.
You’re human and I know you’re not perfect.
I was told today that I would never love anyone because I’m too much like you.
I want so badly to prove that that’s not true but I wonder sometimes.
It hurts so much to wake to the sunlight.
It hurts so much to know that I am strong and have to break all of my dirty old bones to allow them regrow correctly and prettily, clean and pure and in love.
I want to be like the others I see so full of trust and passion.
But they were loved first in ways that I wasn’t.
You’ve let me down in more ways than one.
I wanted for you to get better but you won’t even try.
You’d rather be alone than with us.
Tell me, do you miss what we’ve had at all?
Do you miss those smiles in those pictures ?
Do you remember your promises to not only me, but everyone else?
I’m a broken woman and I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to get where I need to be.
But god willing, I will change.
I will find love in myself first and in another.
Love is out there.
Pure and life long, it breathes and harmonizes.
It makes even the karma and pain of others.
The ones who will let themselves have it find it.
Those who don’t change, bend, try for themselves can never try for others.
If you chose to stay a broken man, I can all but pity you.
I’ve stamped down that road and I refuse to remain there.
Life is full of lessons.
If you’re clever, you’ll take your pain and force yourself to learn a greater lesson through it all.
It’s not worth the struggle to keep having to learn the same lesson.
I want to change.
I want to be beautiful on the inside so I can radiate and feel safe in my skin.
I want to be an angel.
I pray for the strength and faith on myself.
It’s hard to sleep.
It’s hard to wake.
All seems dreary but it’s not.
Time really does heal.
It will take time and patience to alleviate myself of the jealousy and anger in my heart that you have helped put there.
I love you even though you don’t love yourself.
I just hope you fight for your life before you’re taken.
I wish for you to see what you’re missing and that the path you’ve chosen isn’t a good one.
You’re not happy.
You don’t even smile.
Your laughter is at the faults of others.
You get pleasure in being obliterated and casting clowns on those who are trying to change or suggest obstacles other than yours.
You’re becoming what you’ve never wanted to be.
I was close to letting that happen to me.
But I saw what I was turning into.
I saw how unhappy you were being the way you are and how unhappy I was acting like you.
Things that you think make you miserable in your life aren’t the actual reason you’re miserable.
It’s the way you approach things and view things.
Trying to get ahead in life, only works for a limited time before your knocked down 3 pegs.
It isn’t worth the trouble or misery.
May GOD bless you with the knowledge he has given me.
You ARE worth change.
And you ARE loved.
It’s just a shame that you don’t see it.