When it’s Shady

Ambivalence, between me and myself,
fix me on one set, one disposition.

Rolling on wheels turning counter clockwise,
all the same, I’m arriving my own way. Counter productive, days without coffee are far behind me.

Ominous ambivalence, fire those neurotransmitters.
Dopamine, serotonin, spiral in my neurons.
Locate yourself properly, fastened within my brain and remember me when it’s shady.

Ambivalence between me and myself, let loose the proper things.
Stop suffocating the will to do what is right, to exist within everything.
Let me feel this phantom reality; even when dark, don’t twist my wires.

Let my wires connect, and my heart beat brilliant blood, B positive.

Jesus cleanse my soul, bring my separate parts together to become as one.

Whole.

Change my ambivalence to understanding, with steadfast ground underneath me, nothing quaking or undulating.
Let my wires connect, feel each embrace, focus and remember me, please, when it’s shady.

6 responses to “When it’s Shady”

Woodsy

February 15, 2020 at 4:41 pm

Do what?
Cleanse you? he says.
That ain’t the half of it.
See, I’ve been reading you…

May I live in your heart?
See through your eyes?
Weave my silent music in the pauses when you speak?
See the stars sparkle,
deep behind the eyes of those you talk to?
See the smile
when they find me in you?

May I take off the mask of tides?
Step out of the oceans?
Roll down from the mountains?
Glide down from the clouds?
Circle free of the breeze
and orbit your soul?

May I walk with you,
carrying my galaxies through your imagination?
Living what they never write in books,
deep within your wordless core?
May I light your road in rainy places?
Paint my beacons in your face?
And see horizons glow
deep behind the eyes of those you talk to?
Feel the smile
when they find me in you?

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1. BrittnyLee
  
  February 16, 2020 at 5:19 am
  
  Cleanse with eyes wide open and heart closed to show.
  Bleeding on before you, painting crystal white snow red.
  We’re healing while we’re trying to stop each other’s bleeding.
  It’s a tangled mess, mangled and beside ourselves.
  Our state is no matter, we’re tearing our clothes to bandage our bleeding hearts and we’re laughing all the while.
  Who knew there could be so much happiness in pain.
  With you all, I find I can weather anything.
  Beautiful comment Woodsy!! This is so fun!
  
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Woodsy

February 17, 2020 at 12:55 am

“We’re tearing our clothes to bandage our bleeding hearts” – brilliant.

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1. BrittnyLee
  
  February 17, 2020 at 2:51 am
  
  Thank you so much 🙂 and Thank you for always stopping by and leaving such awesome comments. You guys are the best !
  
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Mark Tulin

March 2, 2020 at 5:19 pm

powerful poem and plea.

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1. BrittnyLee
  
  March 2, 2020 at 11:42 pm
  
  Thank you ! I feel so many people put off their feelings and act fine when things are going on. Those who know us know when we’re not fine and when we csnt always ask for a chat. I wrote this for those people 🙂 . I used to be one of them . Keep inspiring. Thank you so much for commenting and reading Mark!
  
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