You’re Cruel

Hello, it’s me.
I’m the body to the face you should recognize but don’t.
Cruel you.

So many years we spent together, blown apart by little red letter with a blue envelope.

Take one guess…

Cruel you. Stupid you
Cruel you
You never had a clue

So many tears, so many years left behind us, dusting new cement sidewalks, now. Climbing up weathered tree forts and woodsy hideaways, left forgotten.

Cruel you.

You opened that red letter with the blue envelope.
You took in the contents and let them consume you, like wine you drank them down deep inside.
Your brain and belly are full of shame so now you hide.

Cruel you who sent the little red letter with the shiny bright blue envelope.
You gave an unsuspecting troubled soul some make shift false hope.

You’ll never know the damage you’ve caused while you’re high and floating through your life.

Cruel you, you’ll never know, his lost memories, he’s gone because of you.

About the poem: This is a topic that resonates very personally with me. Addiction.

I have family members I have lost relationships with due to this crippling issue. I cannot express how angry drug use makes me. The person I wrote about in this poem used to be very close to me and I admired him. He started drinking and using drugs in his middle school years and since then, we’ve tried being close but it was never the same. The little red letter with the bright blue envelope represented drugs.

I wrote this the way I did to express different attitudes towards this issue. I start out being angry with him and as the poem goes on I state being angry with the person who started him on his reckless path. Could it still be him or the person who handed him the drugs. As I was writing this, I wanted it to be expressed that both were to blame.

If you have any opinions on this topic I would love to hear them. Who do you think is to blame?

10 responses to “You’re Cruel”

rosejfairchild

March 23, 2020 at 5:42 pm

In my experience with addiction, many of the people who were suffering from used it as an escape from past and present demons. The problem is that it only plunges them deeper and they bury themselves further and further in their problems by feeding them with the addiction. But it seems once they finally realize the addiction is only adding to their problems, they are so hopelessly addicted there seems to be no escape from that either. It’s an endless cycle of demons nipping at the person and each other. So who’s to blame? A little bit of everyone…the person or persons who inflicted the initial hurts, giving birth to those demons; the person who offers the drug of choice; and yes, the person who accepts it. I have very intense feelings on this matter and have struggled to understand it (to no avail) since I was 16 years old. I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt by people suffering through addiction. It’s a disease that consumes everyone involved, not just the addict.

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1. BrittnyLee
  
  March 24, 2020 at 3:45 am
  
  this is very true. It does affect everyone involved with the person and it’s sip painful watching then lose everything and be unable to help. It’s a horrible dilemma. I really enjoyed your response and how much thought you put into it. Thank you so much! I have to agree with you. The blame is on a little bit of everyone involved thinking on those terms, most people wouldn’t start without trying to escape some kind of hurt. It’s terrifying the horrors we inflict on others. Thank God there’s more good than bad.
  
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  1. rosejfairchild
    
    March 24, 2020 at 11:38 am
    
    It’s one of those rare things where you are utterly unable to help. It really is up to the addict to decide when enough is enough and often that’s after something really terrible happens. It sucks, but I guess at least some eventually arrive at realizing they need help. I hope it continues to be more good than bad in the world because there’s so much horror as it is. You’re very welcome. It’s definitely something that hits home with me. Best wishes in your situation.
    
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  2. BrittnyLee
    
    March 24, 2020 at 3:13 pm
    
    Thank you so much. Best wishes on your end too. ♡
    
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  3. rosejfairchild
    
    March 24, 2020 at 9:23 pm
    
    Thank you!
    
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Woodsy

March 23, 2020 at 7:06 pm

When I was struggling last year, I had one person say to me: “Well, you’re one of the good ones. There are a lot out there just want to get drunk or high…”
The assumption upset me at the time (though it’s not an uncommon one), because I knew there were people out there genuinely struggling with a system that tries to define those at the bottom of the pile.
But the fact is, many in such situations do turn to whatever form of drug they can get hold of, simply because it helps get them through. It might not be pretty or look nice, but I was at a through-the-night stall on the streets of Liverpool a while back where the rain that night was so fierce it was like a river running down the road.
We met various homeless people who took up the offer of a free hot drink and some food, sat by the wood burning fire someone had brought along…
They didn’t look phased by the spectacularly wet and unpleasant weather because being out in conditions like this was their life… so yeah, if they found something to get them through…
There are so many things that can become our drug of choice, so many ways of succumbing to them…
and I guess there’s always something the guy at the other end of the street can say about bad choices –
while the person who profits by selling them something simply sees a captive market.
It’s a sucky nasty thing when something else takes over your life…
but it’s also a path that tends to look a lot less attractive when you have a life you value, a life you want to enjoy and build on. I’m sorry about this person you lost… and who clearly lost part of himself.
It’s often said that it’s not something you can save people from, because they have to face those demons, those wounds, in themselves…
but your deep, kind, imaginative and generous heart goes a long way. It paints a better world, and it does so while knowing the panic and anxiety this world can bring. You’re the face of hope, because you ask the questions and you care about the answers… even at times when it doesn’t seem there are any.
Sorry, didn’t mean to say so much.

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1. BrittnyLee
  
  March 24, 2020 at 3:51 am
  
  That’s okay ! No need to be sorry. I love how much thought you put into your answer. I want to hear as many perspectives on this subject as I possibly can. I struggle to understand physical addiction but i can understand needing something to cope and people falling into despair not knowing any other way to cope. Im very grateful you guys are commenting because I always want fresh perspectives on this subject. It hits very close to home. Thank you also for your kind words. My cousin has been on and off sober for years. It’s tough because growing up were thick as thieves.
  
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  1. Woodsy
    
    March 24, 2020 at 8:51 pm
    
    So many things can steal us from sach other in this life… and addictions are right up there.
    The victories, the parts that shine, are when we forge connections that shine despite all the stuff trying to pull them apart.
    Sometimes they even shine brighter.
    
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  2. BrittnyLee
    
    March 25, 2020 at 10:24 pm
    
    That they do my friend 🙂
    
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  3. BrittnyLee
    
    March 25, 2020 at 10:24 pm
    
    Thank you for your thoughtful comments 🙂 much appreciated my friend!
    
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