Antagonistic Antithesis

I wanted this time to mean more to you.
Instead you got me mad, ignoring me so I bore into you.
Mouthing those words like they were heavy with poison, feeding you thoughts you already were drinking.

Dragging each other through the mud, but hanging for what we love. I live for you and we live for us, understanding that mud will wash off.

I’m sorry can’t mean enough right now.

I wanted this night to be filled with frivolity.
Instead it served us angry mumbles and closed doors.
The glass between us isn’t nearly thick enough.
The titanium thrust, our magnetic grip is surpassing strong enough.

You want what I want, peace and calm.

We don’t always get what we want though, do we?
I just can’t understand why you sometimes do this to me, silent, behind closed doors, running away.

I want to hold you close but not right now.
You’re not making a case for loving you.
You’re pushing me out.

I’ll keep pushing back

9 responses to “Antagonistic Antithesis”

Woodsy

April 24, 2020 at 4:10 pm

Wow.

This hit home on a few levels…
partly because I can find myself pulling away from folks I really want to keep close…
pzrtly because I have felt so strongly in my time… especially in recent times… how close the tender loving things are to the raging, door-slamming hateful things…

and what so often tips the balance is our willingness, our determination even, to push back and not quit.

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply
1. BrittnyLee
  
  April 24, 2020 at 5:35 pm
  
  Thank you. Yes, this is often a battle with loved ones. Love and hate are so close because both are passionate states of being. I prefer love but sometimes anger gets in the way. Feeling low about oneself and feeling others who love you are looking down at you but trying to build you up. It’s tough and a battle for your mind when you’re low.
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply
  1. Woodsy
    
    April 24, 2020 at 5:49 pm
    
    I prefer love in theory.
    In practice, love has often looked like hate… because, like you just said, the fedlings are so heightened.
    Friend of mine used to talk about how, for her, the opposite of love was not hate so much as indifference.
    
    But with love, you can’t be indifferent. You have to keep pushing… hoping that the tender things, the beautiful things, are waiting on the other side.
    
    All of which makes me question the way I stopped pushing for a while… perhaps partly from a kind of exhaustion I really felt I had not earned. But perhaps that’s just it. Perhaps sometimes we need that… to lose sight of it all until new souls come into our life and rekindle our idea of love.
    
    Blessed to have met such souls lately.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
PoojaG

April 25, 2020 at 9:17 pm

Unfortunately some people just don’t work well together.

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply
1. BrittnyLee
  
  April 26, 2020 at 5:58 pm
  
  True story 🙂 I’m not 100percent sure what or who this was about. I just remember feeling frustrated and instead of venting, I wrote this. Haha:)
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply
  1. PoojaG
    
    April 27, 2020 at 5:20 am
    
    Haha well whoever they are at least they helped you write this!
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  2. BrittnyLee
    
    April 27, 2020 at 3:55 pm
    
    Aw thank you!! 🙂
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
Scrunch Foldington

April 26, 2020 at 1:58 pm

As always, I admire your word-craft greatly, but I do hope that everything is ok in your world. This was a raw and real piece to read, with some very familiar moments. Just keep turning the bad stuff into your wonderful art.

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply
1. BrittnyLee
  
  April 26, 2020 at 6:07 pm
  
  Thank you. I was debating whether or not to post this but I decided too. I told Pooja I don’t exactly remember what this was about but I remember the feelings of frustration I was feeling. It felt good to let it out. I was happy with the outcome even if it’s a darker side of my writing. I have written many darker pieces but I try not to post them too much. I try to keep my material to be in constant fluctuation and not falling into a pattern. I probably failed at that many times but I keep trying ! 🙂 All is ok on my end. It’s just stressful with this lockdown stuff but I’m dealing and trying to keep positive that it’s not going to be this way permanently. I hope all is still well on your end too ! 🙂
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply