And I felt things I haven’t in a long time
And I cried
out to God and the sun and the starry eyed lion
I don’t know what the these tears are for
or why
But I felt things I haven’t felt in a long time
I spared them my sad visage
I craved a hold
that holding wouldn’t come
I griped at my only grudge
to love
and let be loved if only
For a minute
I’ve felt things I haven’t felt in a long time
I smiled so wide
I thought my lips would freeze that way
Your hand in mine
and drunken laughing with no wine
It was perfect
The place, the time
the sunrise
I felt so many things at once
I knew I had been so blind
and you were there
bound to my past and my present
Like an enigma monolith,
you stood out
to me
I felt things, thanks to you
I felt all the ugly and all the beauty
I cried until I knew
I would be laughing
again, knees buckled and belly aching
I felt so many things
and they felt so good
Like an enigma monolith,
you stood out to me
You always have and always will
be looking out for me
I thought there was little time to appreciate
But I was wrong
Yes, I was wrong
We have all of an eternity .
28 responses to “2/10/2022”
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You’re not annoying me at all, John 🙂 . I’m glad you’re well. I’m well but also not. I came down with this annoying chest cold haha. It doesn’t want to go away . I’m also emotional but it’s in a good way even though it’s driving me up a wall. I’ve had an awakening. I swear I had. I just realize that even though I’ve had my battles with mental health in the past and still to this day ( it’s ok ) , I shouldve appreciated more of the people who were there during my trying times . Sometimes I would be so wrapped up in my chaos that I forgot to stop and really return the favors. Be there . Sacrifice my time and be there . I’ve been experiencing so many feels about it. It’s such a strong realization that it’s leaving me shaken. There have been nights I have cried out loud sobbed thanking God but also praying to let myself just fall asleep haha .
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I don’t want to worry anyone . It’s a good thing. I am happy for it. it’s an epiphany that I had a long time coming . It’s a gift to know your mistakes and learn from them. It’s so vital to growing And being a BETTER person. I’ve kept it to myself until now, but my biggest resolution for this year is to keep improving and keep being better and more mindful of how I treat those around me. Ive been good to people but I want to be great 😃. There will come a day when I will wish I had one more day with them. I’m trying really hard to remember that .
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I think you know by now that I’m not a casual commenter or conversationalist.
I’m glad you’re in a better place.
If I’m honest, I’m still in a funk. I feel awkward here. I know that sounds stupid. Why are you here then, John? Because I feel like I have to write and I’m hoping someone understands what I write.
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I can relate to that . I tend to lean on the side of having no filter and that rubs people the wrong way sometimes. Usually if I apologize or explain that I didn’t mean to come across a certain way people get it but there have been times in the past where they did not. There were times that it was my fault though. I will own up to that . There were times I really should’ve tried harder to think about how I wanted to express what I needed to
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Oh wow! Really ?? Thank you. I’m surprised by that . I always feel really awkward talking to people in person, like face to face ( depending on the person ) and on the telephone . A lot of the time, I just don’t know what to talk about . Like you, I hate small talk. It’s just so pointless but I don’t want to be rude so I engage in it because I know I have to sometimes to engage further with people. I love interacting and bonding and getting to know others . It’s just difficult sometimes. I really believe I’m on the spectrum ( autism) . I have an ADHD diagnosis but not one for autism . Certain things just really hit close to home for me, regarding social stuff . Haha
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I think it is too in all honesty. 🙂 why else make a blog than to connect? I think sometimes with my distractibility I forget that my WordPress exists LOL which is kind of sad because I really enjoy it haha and the connections with everyone I have. But with me a lot of the time if it’s out of sight it’s out of mind. So, I’m going to start allowing notifications to ping on my phone that way it reminds me to get my butt on here more 🙂 I know. I’m ridiculous LOL 😆🤣👍😆🤣
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