To be patient is to go on waiting,
making rash decisions on emotions,
while calling it, “patience.”
It would be excellent to have the means,
exonerating myself from the mindfulness gore,
the self-imposed entrapment of “live in this moment,”
“Wait for it.”
Wait for what?
Am I planning on achieving to wait?
Am I searching for an answer that will never come?
What will become of me if I keep on waiting at your leisure?
Wait. Wait.
I cannot carry the weight of waiting
as my wheels are turning, churning out
designs from a mind I can’t relate to.
I cannot look beyond what is planning.
This black and white movie goes without a finished script.
If I keep on waiting like this,
I think of all the moments I’ll miss.
I want to befriend your patience, deep down.
Unfortunately, I know.
I just can’t do it.
We’ve both gone through it.
I simply aim to “know.”
It would be wondrous to be free to the grit of human struggle,
the chalky taste of trying after falling backward and hitting cold pavement.
I relate to the “waves” of desire as they often encompass me in my dainty daydreams.
Dare nothing further than to dive deeper or soar higher.
I want to look fear in his face and spit in it.
I want to scream, “No more will you hold this wet blanket over my eyes!”
I want to feel embraced by warmth and honesty and trust it’s genuine kiss.
Maybe someday.
No.
Now.
Patience isn’t an ideal compromise for me.
If you found yourself in here,
you would see what I mean.
My mind never stops;
it’s an endless jigsaw,
adding more pieces that don’t fit.
It’s not a negative.
It’s a chaotic chasm of careless creative.
22 responses to “Positivity in my Palm”
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Thank you, Elvira!!! How was your Christmas ??
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Thanks, Linda !! I’m very happy to hear that patience escapes you, too. I am patient with children and people I work with and try to be patient with almost everyone but when it comes to waiting to achieve a goal, it’s very difficult for me. I like solving problems and knowing what’s next. I’ve been good at that my whole life. Now, there’s changes that I have no control but to embrace and it’s hitting me hard. I am excited to start this new venture but also curious and cautious in making any convictions. I’m not exactly taking my time but I’m not jumping into anything either. I’m grateful to have my family and you and my other friends and Matt to keep me level headed and help me figure it out in steps. Basically, the company I’ve been working with for 7 years will be closing. I have to find another job before April, just found this out. I am ok in that I was planning on moving on just not so soon. I wanted to see these kids through the rest of the school year before moving on. Things don’t ever go as planned. I am at the point where I am accepting of that, thankfully. It’s still a lot to process and it is hard to witness someone losing their business. Little steps help. I just hope I can make a good decision for what I need in my life and find something ad rewarding as this has been. I’m not sure I want to continue with kiddos with behavioral troubles or if I want to do something different all together. I guess Ill just have to keep soul searching and do my research. I will be writing more. It’s helping a lot. I need to keep unclogging my head to think clearly. I know you get it, I’m sure. Where are you guys going on vacation ? I’m excited for you !! 🙂
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I find it’s always nice to have a game plan and a goal to work towards. I don’t do well with uncertainty either. That being said, it’s good to get out of your comfort zone sometimes as that’s when you learn what you’re really capable of. And it turns out we’re much stronger than we think. Sorry to hear that your company that your working for will be closing and that you’ll have to find another job. At least you have some time to plan and figure out your next steps. I know you’ll be fine and end up somewhere probably better than where you were before, even if it may not seem like it in the moment. You got this. In the meantime, it sounds like you’re already embracing this change by channeling it through your writing.
We’re currently in southern Utah at the moment and are going on a road trip through the various national parks. We’re heading to Capitol Reef National Park today.
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Capital Reef National Park sounds like it’ll be beautiful ❤️ I’m excited to read about it in the future 🙂 and see your photos. Thank you. I’m trying to keep positive about it. I know that things will work out. I’m just hoping all will be ok with the families I work with. They’re the ones I worry about the most. I hope you’re enjoying your trip ! Thank you so much Linda 💗 . It means a lot to me
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Capitol Reef was actually one of my favourite national parks that we visited during our trip. The best part was that it wasn’t very busy and it felt like we had the park all to ourselves. I’m a bit behind on my posts, so my trip recap won’t be for a few weeks. I’m playing some catch up at the moment. We just got back from vacation late yesterday night.
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Aw I’m glad you enjoyed it. It looked so beautiful ❤️ that must’ve been a magical feeling having the place to yourself . My sister and I went to Watkins Glen state park . We were the only ones there as we went in winter. It was very quiet and gray. We loved it. It was very beautiful with it’s high bridges and stone stairs. 🙂
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Coming from someone who has such great work, that means a bunch to me. Thank you 🙂 I’m honored 😌❤️ thank you !! I’m always playing with my writing and challenging myself. I don’t want to get stagnant and risk sounding the same. I like to write from perspectives other than my own. I mean, technically it’s always from my perspective but I try to write from the point of view of objects or others. It’s fun 😊 🙂😊
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