I don’t come around enough
but I’m tired
The sun is out.
It’s too bright
I can’t face
the heat of it’s light.
I say “I’m sorry” too much.
It probably sounds
like I don’t mean it.
You’re thinking this.
Don’t say you’re not.
It’s in your eyes.
Your tone.
I know I’ve been the one
who has never truly left.
I know that my words
might sound less than my typical.
I am doing fine.
I’m just trying to unwind.
I hear you.
I’m sorry.
I promise I am trying.
Around and around
we swing our bodies
until we hit the wall.
Pledging our minds to a faculty,
we didn’t emancipate at all.
Here I am, in the middle
of a race I never signed up for.
Here I am,
in first place,
knocking on your front door.
I haven’t been tired.
No, I’ve barely slept.
You’re warming my couch,
playing a movie
I am missing.
I’m vacuuming, again,
though there is no mess.
So much to do
about nothing,
sweating and swearing I’ll be, ” just a minute more.”
Bags and bags of things I don’t need
hurdle down the steps,
tagging your bare feet.
I’m ready to roll
and growing impatient.
Focus is evading,
while panic is oncoming.
There’s so much to be done.
I’m on the ball,
can’t you keep up?
I didn’t mean to rush you
on your first day off.
I know that you’ve been busy,
pounding pavement around the clock.
Your midnight is my noon.
Your a.m. is my night.
I don’t mean to be neurotic.
I promise I’ll try not to start a fight.
It’s testing me
This is testing you.
I’m through saying sorry for
things I could not do.
Collapsing in your arms,
exhaustion from pushing
an opposing force I’m stuck in.
My mind is tired
or ceaseless.
There’s seldom in between.
I hear you and I’m sorry.
I’m either at zero or unstoppable.
My mind neglects my body, my soul.
I’m not a machine.
It’s been a healing process,
caring for this lurking thing.
Forgive me.
I’m trying.
Please don’t abandon me.
12 responses to “Mixed Up”
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Thank you. The struggle is a demon we all battle. It’s hard to remember why we try so hard some days, especially down days and anxious and flare up fibro days. Ugh 😫 I just keep swimming like Dory. Or, I just keep writing lol 😅😆. I hope you’re well. 🙂 thank you for stopping by VJ
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Right ?! Loving, in general is intense. I am grateful to have Matt. He is patient and honest. He keeps me grounded and I do the same for him. Battling our distractions and frustrations is tough but we support each other and that’s the most important thing. I’m happy this poem resonated with you. Always makes me feel better to know others have had that days 🙂 . Any new travel plans ??
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Sounds like you guys bring out the best in each other 🙂
We’re actually on vacation at the moment. We flew into Edmonton yesterday and have driven to the official start of the Alaska Highway in Dawson Creek. From here we’ll be making our way to Whitehorse and then catch a ferry into Juneau, Alaska.
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