Monopolized

Who have you been?
Why was I your scapegoat?
Being used to holding your secrets,
my soul met the devil in your eyes.

Love’s been played with too long.
Your monopoly arm wrestling my conscience feels all wrong.

I don’t know why I waited.
Trying to save you all of my life,
has finally took it’s toll on me.

You’re walking on eggshells around me.

I’m so sorry.

There’s nothing new.
You’re in the wrong and I’m the one who is trying to fix things.

Nine years spent walking on the glass
you’ve broken,
caused my feet to hurt but callous.

Fatigued by your fighting,
your fear, your anger,
I’m giving up this get.

Glass shards stuck in,
still walking without stopping.
Growing to accept the pain,
taking yours on top of mine,
letting you abuse
my less calloused sides, too.

But you’re lonely.
You need my time,
want all that’s mine.

Expectations come to a head,
as the bodies start rolling.
I don’t mind being left behind.
It’s all the same to me.

I don’t think I ever knew you.

I’m through
with your monopoly and you.

4 responses to “Monopolized”

Woodsy

January 29, 2024 at 7:41 pm

I have been in a few places where I felt something close to this… and the tendency to shudder inwardly and think “actually, maybe it was me after all” still tends to get in the way.

Sometimes, the silences are just too big, and things unsaid take root there, y’know?

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1. BrittnyLee
  
  February 1, 2024 at 4:29 am
  
  Silences too big?
  Yes.
  Loud, silence too quiet.
  Shuddering in soaking sweat,
  smelling nothing
  feeling the aches all too much.
  
  You’re there.
  You’re in a place so long
  sought after.
  
  Perhaps, you’re right.
  Perhaps you’ve been on the money
  before I chose to believe.
  
  Good friend, you’re keeping
  this melancholic heart blessing
  this body to live.
  
  Brother , my chosen family.
  
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WanderingCanadians

February 4, 2024 at 9:35 pm

It’s funny how we tend to internalize things and naturally blame ourselves. It’s a wonderful feeling to finally gain perspective that it’s not always a “me problem” and to let go of a toxic relationship.

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1. BrittnyLee
  
  February 4, 2024 at 10:43 pm
  
  It truly is. It’s tough when not having the why answered but sometimes it doesn’t matter “why”. Sometimes things/ people, just are who they are.
  
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