Dawning Creations

I looked down,
knowing what was coming,
reality, slapping me silly
as your soft smile
presses into my membrane.

I don’t want to lose,
any possibility of what we have.
Right now, you’re the only one, who could and consequently, do, scarethe shit out of me.
Oh, and Monday, I start therapy.

I really am grateful for knowing,
who you truly are.
You’re better than I could
have ever imagined

I’m not holding your hand,
or kissing you by your campfire.
I’m not calling you up,
or texting you absurdly.

I’m just living,
trying to accept who I am,
who I always was.
I’m a bleeding heart,
in yearning for my potential
to be unleashed.

You’re my unrequited muse.
You’re my hard, hitting dopamine boost.
Energy,
radiating, bountiful and magnificent,
you’re holding the key.
I don’t want to hold you,
don’t want to hog your light.

I want to face the sun with you,
beg to color my soul
in your joy, abundance.
In so many ways,
I’m happier because I know you.

You’re doing what you do best;
You’re inadvertently saving my life.

I’m neurodivergent,
not too disconnected,
even when it feels
all voices calling are merely reverberations.

One day,
when this self-reflection
eradicates old self hatred,
I could finally let you up, easy.
You don’t need to feel sorry.
You’re a part of my healing.