What is This? This is Healing, Darling.

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I hope
I pray
I wish upon the vast expanse
I plead the fifth
I run through the flames
I hide, suffocating in the smoke of dismay.
There are days,  I’m afraid,
I’m not really alive.
But Emma says, “I’m doing better than
I give myself credit for.”
I pray to Jesus, she’s right.

I see the doubt in their eyes,
while a tiny child,
with a brain, too much like mine,
provides ample trials.
We’re two of a kind.
I’m doing my best, beating
the worn instruments of their tongues to silence.

Sometimes, this all makes no sense,
facing chemicals,moods that switch.
I’m awake and hardly ever tired.
But, my body feels as if I’ve run miles.
I’m present but I’m not.
I can’t stop.
I won’t stop.

I crave the art.
I crave the fire.
But I’m forced to stop,
mending all the burns,
when the fire comes to a stop.
I’m ambivalent,
won’t ask for
but need a helping hand.
What does it mean?
Why is it me who I’m fighting?

I normally never rhyme, but this time, I’m
left a victim to a rhythm
a stranger inside me has written,
and swimming in a chasm,
with a faceless phantom.
At least, for now, there’s a name.
Perhaps, a familar face will come later.

Over and over,
a familiar pendulum swings.
I can’t decipher a meaning
or the possibilities it could bring.
There’s a sun shining,
greeting me as I open my eyes.
I’m so grateful I could bask in today.

Open and ready,
I’m spinning on an edge.
I want to come down, now.
But if I do,
I’m terrified, I won’t remember who I AM.

12 responses to “What is This? This is Healing, Darling.”

  1. Christopher Marcus Avatar
    Christopher Marcus

    This reminds me of Whitman – the same energy. And beauty.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. BrittnyLee Avatar
      BrittnyLee

      Whitman ?! Really ?! His writing is beyond immaculate, so I really, really appreciate that. Growing up, I really enjoyed his poems in language arts and English classes. I am honored.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Christopher Marcus Avatar
        Christopher Marcus

        It’s got much the same rhythm I feel!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. BrittnyLee Avatar
        BrittnyLee

        Thank you !!!! That really blows my mind .

        Liked by 1 person

  2. WanderingCanadians Avatar
    WanderingCanadians

    It’s hard to make sense when you’re in the thick of things. And when there’s not much gas left in the tank, it can be a bit of a swirly rush. But it’s amazing what a bit of rest can do to the mind and body.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. BrittnyLee Avatar
      BrittnyLee

      It’s true!!!! I got a cold Saturday, and I’m fighting it off . I got an equal amount of Christmas shopping and rest/family time over our Thanksgiving break. I feel refreshed and it’s nice. I’m still sick but definitely better than yesterday. I drank hot/warm tea all day at work, too. That has been really helping. I underestimated how much that helps. This has nothing to do with the poem but it’s funny I wrote about mental healing and I’m physically healing lol 😆 . Your comment is so thoughtful and I appreciate the time you took to write such a nice comment. Are you almost ready for the holidays?

      Like

      1. WanderingCanadians Avatar
        WanderingCanadians

        Sorry to hear that you aren’t feeling well. Hopefully the worst is behind you. Glad to hear you enjoyed Thanksgiving with your family and managed to get some rest and do some shopping for the holidays as well. I’m nearly done my Christmas shopping too. We got our tree last week and all my decorations are up. We’ve even gotten a bit of snow so it’s feeling and looking a bit like Christmas!! I love this time of the year!! Hopefully you’re all ready for the holidays as well!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. BrittnyLee Avatar
        BrittnyLee

        Yes! I’m starting to feel better, thank God. I’ve been drinking a lot of hot tea with honey at home and at work. I’ve also been sleeping a lot too once I’m home and done with dinner and other chores, saving my exercise for when I’m better as I get a lot of exercise with my kiddos at work. These kiddos are so sweet though, trying to give me hugs to make me feel better. I’m like “guys, I appreciate the love but stay clear of me ” lol I am hoping for more snow . I love ❄️ snow. You’re right, it does make it feel more like Christmas when it shows 😏

        Like

      3. WanderingCanadians Avatar
        WanderingCanadians

        Glad to hear. It’s amazing what some rest can do for the body. That’s so sweet to hear about how the kids at your work give you hugs to try to make you feel better.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. BrittnyLee Avatar
        BrittnyLee

        They’re really intuitive kids. I was having a rough day the one day and the one little boy asked me, “What’s wrong, Miss Brittny?” I just told him I was tired thanked him for asking and being kind. It’s amazing to me how they know, though. Yes, sleep and water are the best healers. They really are

        Liked by 1 person

      5. WanderingCanadians Avatar
        WanderingCanadians

        That’s very sweet!! I hope they never lose that quality! Hope you’re all ready for the holidays. I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas!

        Liked by 1 person

      6. BrittnyLee Avatar
        BrittnyLee

        It is! They’re such sweet kids. I love working with them ! I’m all ready . Presents are almsot completely wrapped and I’m all dressed up at the school to celebrate 🥳 🎉 🎊

        Liked by 1 person

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