An UGLY Face

I’m learning to love me
but still torn at some seams.
I’m learning to love me
but I hate me when I’m mean

Sarcasm and witt only gets me so far
my self kindness sails over merciless waves
strong and invincible
at least I pray kind to myself I’ll stay

I tell myself, “it’s ok,”
even though, I know it’s not.
Self-preservation mocks my every, “I’m sorry.”
I think back to every conversation.
I think back to the holes
I’ve punched through you

===

I’m learning to love me like I should,
but I hate me when I’m mean.
Part of me wishes I could take it back, undo the bruises and undo the scars.

It’s what I deserve.
I’m trying to try harder than ever before.
I’m doing what I can,
getting the help I need
but I still fall short, sometimes,
even though, only I could catch me if I fall.

Holes sometimes can’t be sewn.
Hurt finds it’s way to bleed, too.
I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through.
Anger has an ugly face, hides an even sadder truth. I was scared to let you be you, to accept myself for who I am

Sincerely Brittny, I’m sorry

Love, ME.

These photos were from a short project I did about adjusting to being diagnosed and struggling with Bipolar Disorder. I know these images are tough to look at but I wanted to really get the pain in this piece across to anyone who reads it. Also * I apologize for the quality of these photos *-With mental illness, many people experience self-hatred. I was one of those people. I didn’t always and don’t always treat myself well. Remember, you are loved, even when you don’t love yourself. It gets better. Don’t give up. You are heard.

5 responses to “An UGLY Face”

joannerambling

November 28, 2025 at 8:08 pm

Learning how to like and love who we are can be difficult but we are better when we do

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1. BrittnyLee
  
  November 28, 2025 at 11:43 pm
  
  Absolutely. 100%
  
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WanderingCanadians

December 4, 2025 at 1:11 am

Love this – the words and the pictures. We are often our own worst enemy and could all benefit by being a bit kinder to ourselves. Anger tends to bring out the worst in us. But it also presents an opportunity for healing, reflection and growth.

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1. BrittnyLee
  
  December 4, 2025 at 12:25 pm
  
  That’s exactly it, Linda. I’m still in the process of learning myself and forgiving myself but I’m grateful for the process. It’s so much better to try than to just give into it. This video was fun to make. I had to really channel the emotions but it wasn’t too hard as they were right under my skin. It helped me at the time. You really nailed the meaning of this piece. I Appreciate you as always 💜❤️
  
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  1. WanderingCanadians
    
    December 5, 2025 at 12:13 am
    
    I’m still in the process of learning more about myself as well. And part of that process involves peeling away some of the ugly layers, which can be emotional and force you to deal with things you tried to keep hidden and buried away. But the older I get the more I understand my past self. And I just hope that future me can do a better job of being kinder to myself. And to learn to let go and move forward.
    
    I appreciate you as always too. And I admire how you’re able to express your feelings and emotions so honestly through your poetry. You have a gift with words.
    
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